Independent or lonely?? sometimes a fine line between the two...

I have been in Korea for over a month now, I've endured some difficult times and have grown so much in just this short time period. It's always fun to look back on what has happened and laugh at yourself for how silly you reacted during a situation. For example, I about died when my computer broke during my first week in Korea. I thought the world had dropped out from underneath me and I was falling into a black hole. Once I got my computer back and became one with the world I started watching the news and it made me sad and angry at myself. I am so thankful for what I have in my life right now. I have loving friends, family and support even if it's across the world. I have new friends in Korea, I have a job, I have food on my table everyday, I am healthy, and educated. The list could go on and on, which is why I get so mad at myself because crying even one tear over my computer is so stupid when you compare it to the problems of the world.

So much fighting and anger in the world. It's so frustrating to watch the news because it's all BAD news, and the even remotely good news is always glossed over in a 20 second clip. It is weird watching American news in a foreign country. I feel as though I live in a time warp here, because I feel so detached from America, but the news still gets under my skin.

I've always considered myself an independent person, I'm an only child and once I found a bit of self confidence during college I knew that I could do just about anything on my own. Hence packing my life up and moving to Korea. However, I've found that independence can easily turn into loneliness if not carefully monitored. I spend many of my nights during the work week coming home around 6ish with my entire night left for whatever my heart desires. Well shoot, I have so much time I can just fill it with all sorts of wonderful things to 'better' myself..work out, cook dinner, watch the news, watch TV on my computer, learn another language, read a book, write blog posts, meditate, do laundry, clean...the list could go on and on. Now don't get me wrong, it's absolutely lovely having so much time when I come home from work to do anything. However, I end up getting so consumed with doing all these things to 'better' or essentially 'find' myself that I end up right back where I started...a crazy psycho who over analyzes everything and needs about 45 to-do lists a day and needs to plan out every minute of my night. Well shit where's the fun in that? So my new thing is not worrying about if I accomplish every task everyday every night. It's OK that I didn't get my 30 minutes of reading in tonight, I am no less off than if I had. I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself, because I'm just clogging up my mind with meaningless crap if all I care about is making sure I can fit in all these things in one night. I'm not allowing myself to enjoy them or live in the moment and figure it out organically if that makes any sense at all. Basically it comes down to me having all this new found “free time” even with a job that I feel guilty for not filling it up with other stuff. The Western way of life has really taken over my psyche because I feel I have to constantly be doing something or that means I'm lazy or something on those lines. I guess I still have time to figure it out all out...whether that's the meaning of life or simply how to relax and enjoy free time..I don't know yet, but I'm excited to figure it out.