Therapy Session

Warning – This blog post is a form of therapy for me at the current moment, so I apologize ahead of time if it's hard to follow as it most likely will be a complete run-on sentence of my thoughts pouring out of my brain onto the screen. (This blog was written over the course of a few weeks so it's a bit all over the place)

I've recently hit a significant road block in my time in Korea. I've still been struggling with the personal aspect of being here, feeling lonely, missing home, etc. To further add to the struggle, I now am dealing with issues at work. Disclaimer – I was fully aware of the risk I took coming here and working in a private school (hagwon in Korean). There are multiple horror stories of foreigners working in hagwons that include not getting paid, terrible bosses, companies going out of business mid-contract, etc. My experience isn't at the top of the outrageously terrible list, but it's definitely something that holds merit in my heart and has made me question being here.

Some information you need to know ahead of time:

1. Teaching contracts in Korea are always one year in length
2. The school year is March to March here
3. Korean parents are crazy about their childrens' education and will go to great lengths to ensure they receive the best

Basically to hopefully shorten a lengthy story, a business woman, let's just call her Cruella DeVille for the remainder of this post, bought into the company I work for and is now the most prominent board member. Therefore, she has decided to come in and take a look around and decide what, if anything, needs to be 'fixed' or 'cleaned up'. Cruella and the CEO of the company met with all the remaining teachers that have contracts ending this year. They basically made us feel like we suck at our jobs and that we don't matter at the school. They then proceeded to give us an ultimatum to either sign an extended contract through March 2013 or there was the possibility we would get fired. They then rewrote our original contracts (which is illegal) and told us we either need to sign the extended contract or the revised original contract. There was a lot of back and forth meetings that never led to anything and also a lot of 'he said she said' BS. Koreans are very passive about confrontations and they are never direct with how they speak to you or handle situations. The principal at my school has no clue how to manage people or talk to people. Every time I met with him on this situation he wouldn't look me in the eye, he would mumble and spend most of the time silent. The last straw for me was during a meeting with the principal and he basically called me a liar and yeah you can all imagine the rage inside me at this point. At this point the school is seriously falling a part. Multiple Korean staff are leaving in March at the end of the school year because they are treated poorly by the principal and overworked by the CEO. It's just a really toxic environment and no one enjoys being at work.

I have a huge decision to make, because part of me just wants to come home and be done with this place. The other part of me says I should just suck it up and finish my contract.

Things I've learned:

1. No matter what I do in my life I always want to be close to my friends and family and the people that really matter most in my life. It's not easy when I want to talk to my best friend, but I can't just call her because it's actually 2am where she lives.
2. Life is too short!! This is a cliché statement, but I think I've finally understood the weight of this saying and how true it is.
3. I'm not getting any younger.
4. I'm currently going through a mid-twenties life crisis. It's stressful, annoying, painful, etc. However, it is exciting, because I kind of live in this world of unknown as I have no idea what I will do here in Korea, I don't know what I will do when I come home and I don't know what the future has in store for me. I don't ever want to settle in my life and I really hold that at high value.
5. Lists are helpful.
6. I will make traveling a main priority for the rest of my life. I think it really is important to get out and see the world, whether for a short or long time. No matter what it will always have an impact on you and change you in some way.
7. Change is good. Change is hard. Change is amazingly difficult and amazingly awesome.

Decision Time – I've decided to come home. After a lot of deliberation I've concluded it's the best decision for myself and the school if I just cut ties and leave in peace. I gave a 30 day notice the other week and my final day will be March 9^th. After I decided to do some traveling so I've booked a flight from Seoul to Rome and am going to wander the streets of Italy and Paris for two weeks before officially touching down in Portland. I figured I could eat my weight in gelato, be in a beautiful place, fulfill a life long dream to go to Europe and clear my head of any negative thoughts of this Korea experience before coming back to reality and putting my life back together.

Will I regret leaving Korea early? I'm not sure. I'm not sure I will know until I come home. I think part of me will feel defeated as I didn't complete something I said I would do. However, like I've said before, I refuse to settle and life is too short to be unhappy. Yes I went against my word so to speak (from signing the contract), but I followed my instinct and made the decision that made me happy.